??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
