how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
