I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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