she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
