I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
