My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
