If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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