and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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