you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I believe in your delicious
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
