I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
