apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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