Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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