Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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