I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
