I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
