Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
