We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
