I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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