God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
