There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
