this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
