I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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