All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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