farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
