im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
