Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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