is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
