i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
