You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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