You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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