We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
