sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i will never coherently bang her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
