Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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