there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
