So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My vagina just clenched in fear
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
