you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
