when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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