It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
