the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
