The maid of honor just puked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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