Don't make out with my wife yet
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
