i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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