...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
