Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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