They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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