Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
