I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
