Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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