just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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