I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
