Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
