There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
